In order to stand against something, you first have to acknowledge that it exists. This becomes problematic if your go-to method of dealing with unpleasantness is to ignore it. In my case, the years of abuse that I endured as a child reinforced my tendency to hide from the awful truth that all was not well.
For three plus years, my father, the one I looked to for love and protection, came to me during the silence of the night and hurt me.
As a result I learned:
- That I could do nothing to protect myself, so don’t bother.
- To fear what I didn’t understand.
- To remain silent despite wanting to do otherwise.
So I dealt with my feelings of pain and helplessness by simply pretending that they didn’t exist.
My coping mechanisms were helped along by the outward appearance of my middle class family’s life. Dad worked, mom stayed home and took care of my sisters and me, and while finances were tight sometimes, we always had enough to eat and clothes to wear. We had a nice house, we lived in a good neighborhood, and for the most part, everyone got along just fine.
In fact, my ongoing denial that anything was wrong fit in perfectly with the enemy of my soul’s desire to destroy me. By refusing to admit that I was in pain, I unwittingly collaborated with Satan’s scheme to keep me from crying out to God for deliverance. Because if he could keep me from acknowledging that I was hurting and needed help, he could keep me from crying out to my deliverer, Jesus.
But here’s the good news… Jesus delivered me anyway!
Please join me for the rest of this post at the blog Courage. Hope. Love. where it is my honor to be a part of Nicole Kauffman’s series called Standing Against Satan.